Invited Late? A Gift Is Still Usually Warranted

A friend of mine from graduate school is getting married next month (we are both currently in school).  We have been friendly for nearly two years but do not often get together outside of school.  I have known about his wedding for a while but was not invited, which was fine with me. (It’s a small wedding, and we are not especially close.)  However, today he handed me an invitation, explaining that some out-of-town guests couldn’t make it.  I would love to go (last-minute invite notwithstanding), but I am going to be out of town on the day of the wedding (a little over five weeks away).  I let him know as soon as I opened the invitation that unfortunately I would not be able to attend.  He acknowledged that he was not surprised, given that he had invited me on such short notice.  Am I obligated to get him a gift?

Anonymous

The standard answer is yes: When invited to attend a wedding, you give the couple a gift whether you can attend or not. The usual exception is when the invitee is not close to the bride, groom or their families, or has been out of touch for a number of years, and sends their regrets.

The circumstances surrounding your invitation aren’t unusual, but have understandably left you in a quandary as to whether to give a gift. I don’t think the couple would think poorly of you if you didn’t give a gift since the invitation was last-minute and you won’t be attending. However, I encourage you not to act too quickly or to stand on convention. Had your friend not been planning such a small wedding, chances are you would have been on the original guest list. Even at the last minute, you were at the top of the “gee, I wish I could invite” list, and your friend took the trouble to hand you the invitation personally. You say you would have loved to go had you not already had other plans, and it does sound as if you appreciate his sincere wish that you could be a guest.

Go with your instinct and do what feels right to you. If you want to give him and his bride a present, then go for it. It doesn’t have to be an expensive gift; you could probably pick out something within your student budget by checking their wedding Web site for their gift registry; or you could choose a gift on your own. Your gift will surely be appreciated, and you, too, would probably feel really good about sending something to wish the couple a happy future.

Source: NY Times

http://www.nytimes.com/2013/04/21/fashion/weddings/questions-on-wedding-etiquette.html