Are bridesmaids expected to give a wedding gift, especially if they cover the costs of a bachelorette party and give shower and engagement presents?

Katherine, New York

In the traditional wedding scheme, yes, a wedding gift to the couple is on a bridesmaid’s to-do list and outranks secondary gifts like a shower gift. A bridesmaid is on the hook for her wedding outfit and accessories, her transportation to the wedding and a wedding gift. The popularity of the bridesmaid-hosted bachelorette party or shower may make those events appear to be must-dos, but they are completely optional and at the discretion of the bridesmaids.

That said, how do you gracefully handle a wedding gift when the budget is busted?

The simplest solution is to pool your resources (what’s left of them) and give a group gift to the couple. Perhaps the ushers are in the same boat and would like to join, too. Focus on the commemorative or sentimental. The gift could be a picture frame or wine cooler engraved with the wedding date and each attendant’s initials or first name (it wouldn’t need to be sterling to be meaningful). Or you could use an online service to create and print an album with photos related to the couple’s engagement and events leading up to the wedding — a handsome memento. Along the handmade theme, you could contribute and collect recipes for an album.

My final thought on this is directed to the couple. When considering all that your attendants have contributed in terms of time, talent and expense, many couples consider their attendants’ presence to be their most cherished gift of all. They say something like, “You have done so much for us already (shower gift, bachelorette party, travel expenses). Your wedding gift is being in our wedding.”

Source: NY Times